I have a daughter

A much needed post for a much neglected blog.

Jayna is finally laying down for a nap in her "big girl bed". I can still hear her sick little coughs over the monitor, but can tell by the lack of activity that sleep for her is near. It feels like an unusual day since Jayna is sick and we had our first snow fall of the season. So I have been letting her watch movie after movie and have treat after treat. Hopefully she doesn't think this is going to be our new winter lifestyle. In between movies and crackers and cheese Jayna decided she wanted to be pushed down the slide in the living-room (which is really a storage box lid positioned down two steps) in a newly emptied Pampers box. I told her I would be there in a minute and from in the box positioned at the top of the slide she said "Mom what are you doing?" I told her I was trying to get the coriander seeds off my dried cilantro plant to put in the jar, to which her reply was "Mom that is too hard have Dad do it." She is so funny and clever and I could not help but laugh at her suggestion. She loves her daddy and I am pretty sure she thinks he lets the sun out just for her in the morning and and puts it away at night just so she can see the stars.

Last night as I sat braiding Jayna's blonde feathery hair for the first time, it hit me again that I have a daughter. I was actually sitting on my couch braiding my daughters hair in my house. Not a dolls hair, not the neighbor girls hair, not my friends hair, but my daughters hair. I have been thinking a lot recently about what kind of Mom I really want to be. I hope I can be the kind of Mom that is more sad than angry, and is more concerned than critical. I hope I can focus on more of the big things than the little things, and put more focus on the relationship than the rightness. In that moment on the couch I was just happy to have a daughter. I think no matter what kind of Mom you are you can have perfect kids and hard kids, and that is why I want to keep my happiness focused on just having them, that way at the end of the day perfect or not I still have love and a relationship with them.

Here are some catch-up pictures of Jayna:

playing at the pumpkin patch

bubble bath time

Heber valley railroad train ride

picking flowers with Mom